a. the eggs of manhattan

waking up on a bus in northern new jersey
towering skyscrapers stretched across the horizon
unfold the maps, find the points of interest
around the curve and into the tunnel
looking for stuff in manhattan

eating soft pretzels and potato knishes
off to wander around endlessly
walk across the tom hanks keyboard
go into saks fifth avenue to pee
looking for stuff in manhattan

up in an elevator, the doors open
the room is dark, pictures all over the walls
people float by me with cards in their hands
coins are falling out of their ears
it feels like an otherworldly disco

doctor doofus floats right by me
followed by dozens of eggs
they are chasing him around the room
the eggs of manhattan

doctor doofus offers us books and boxes
we can't break through the shrink wrap
he can get us anything from anywhere
just point to the book of everything
and he'll transport it to our mailboxes

there are more words than my brain can handle
it is english, but it isn't english
time stops in this place, it feels like hours
doctor doofus detaches his arm
and it floats all around him

doctor doofus floats right by me
followed by dozens of eggs
they are chasing him around the room
the eggs of manhattan

i find myself back on the street
i can't remember where i was

b. side trip 1: all the masks of the universe

he's got einstein hair and can't remember a name
the ceiling is filled with all the masks of the universe
he stands behind the display case full of tricks
ready to offer you something you never knew you wanted

we can look at the books to the side
read all about his secrets and then forget them before you leave
he can speak as many words as the good doctor
the ceiling is filled with all the masks of the universe

c. central pennsylvania

it could have been a stray thought
it could have been a poojer
it could have been environmental stress
it could have been an opportunity
it could have been the lining up of his quantum brain
doctor doofus comes to central pennsylvania
in the blink of an eye

i'm here at last
the eggs no longer follow me
i am the representative from my world
i will get you anything from anywhere
and offer you things you never knew you wanted

d. dump truck jr.

the smell of cheesesteaks are in the air
the good doctor's new lair is almost empty
white walls all around
a display case with a few knickknacks
but this is all an illusion
the space is taken up by the biggest grin in the universe

oh, dump truck jr.
you have more teeth than giada
your nose moves all over your face
oh, dump truck jr.
how did you become doctor doofus' sidekick?
your gibberish escapes a million teeth
oh, dump truck jr.

doctor doofus can get you anything from anywhere
he's hooked up with the magical warehouse of everything
and dump truck jr.'s smile gets bigger and bigger
even though there is nothing in the room
the doctor still shows you stuff you never knew you wanted
orders get recorded, more teeth appear out of nowhere

oh, dump truck jr.
you have more teeth than giada
your nose moves all over your face
oh, dump truck jr.
how did you become doctor doofus' sidekick?
your gibberish escapes a million teeth
oh, dump truck jr.

surrounding the algorithm the pants can see everything
my wires burn and my biochemistry is the opus beans
pigeons make prophecies of the narrative tree rings
hold up, hold on ... surplus senses the potato
my liver has illustrations of all of the eggs
and the room is filled with teeth
it's filled with teeth
it's filled with teeth
and a smile that gets bigger
and bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger

e. side trip 2: the carson street roll of toilet paper

his bloated figure stands there in the middle of the room
a roll of toilet paper hovers in front of his stomach
when he moves, it moves with him, around the room
off to the side are offers of things you never knew you wanted

he's an imitation of a walking bathroom stall
a roll of toilet paper hovers in front of his stomach
but it would seem that you'd have to bring your own toilet
off to the side are offers of things you never knew you wanted

f. bellefonte and points beyond

doctor doofus can get anything from anywhere
but nothing ever appears
but he still gets anything from anywhere
and it never shows up
we're waiting for stuff from everywhere
and nothing ever shows up
the grins get wider and wider
and nothing ever seems to appear

we're waiting for stuff from everywhere
we grow more teeth and our noses go all over our faces
we're waiting for stuff from everywhere
we grow more teeth and our noses go all over our faces
we're waiting for stuff from everywhere
we're waiting for stuff from everywhere

the smell of cheesesteaks disappears
and the doctor migrates to bellefonte
where he studies martial arts across the street
and inspects christmas crap
and looks at junk in an old worn down theater
smiles so wide that they bust down the door
and nothing ever seems to appear
and nothing ever shows up

we're waiting for stuff from everywhere
we grow more teeth and our noses go all over our faces
we're waiting for stuff from everywhere
we grow more teeth and our noses go all over our faces
we're waiting for stuff from everywhere
we're waiting for stuff from everywhere

we're now in the fields beyond millheim
offering things you never knew you wanted
and we have rolls of toilet paper hovering in front of our stomachs
and we have ceilings filled with all the masks of the universe
and our arms detach and float around us
we're waiting for stuff from everywhere
and we have a million teeth in our mouths
out in the fields beyond millheim

and in the sky comes a craft
that has a ring of toilet paper encircling it
the thaumaturges call to us with a million words and a million teeth
doctor doofus and dump truck jr. smile brightly
we are pulled into the craft
and we all have rolls of toilet paper in front of our stomachs
and we all have a million million million million teeth
and we'll have anything from anywhere
and everything from everywhere
and our smiles get bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger
as we ascend into a big bag of ylem